In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.


What Can I Say 

What is happening between us?

What happened to you? And what to me then?

You might make me want nothing or nobody.

I’m not sure about it.

I’ve told many people that I just want to get out of the working place as soon as possible every day. I don’t want any more.

But few believe it.

What are you thinking about?

You stopped. I stopped. Then we stopped.

You didn’t talk. I didn’t talk. Then we had no talk.

Neither would break the ice.

After that, we are done?

We both thought a lot, but talked less.

Close distance didn’t mean close feelings.

You closed the door on me. I felt black.


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What does it mean if a girl kills time in a bar? Do you want to see a girl who stands at your side indulging herself in pubbing?

It’s personal. It’s private. It’s someone’s business. I know that.

I just can’t forget about it. I don’t know how to let it be.

So, why I care?

It’s none of my business. It’s one’s choice. It’s one’s own right. It’s the life style which one chooses itself. How was I involved? Am I qualified? It’s not right to intervene in someone’s private life, is it?

People can choose any of them as they wish.

Then, whom I care?

I think it’s something about care. Caring about you or something like that. You may not agree. In my deep heart, I ask myself, whom the hell I care, you or myself? I guess it’s about you. Maybe it’s because of thought from my head, finally.

In fact, what I care about is the feeling when I care about you. It sounds a little bit selfish. Yes, you can think with that way.

Sometimes, at this point, I’m failed. I thought I knew you. I could help you. I could give you support. Unfortunately, the fact is, I made a mistake.

I even don’t know what you need on earth. I don’t understand you. Otherwise, I would be able to know why you had to go clubbing.

It’s seems I know nothing about providing what you are thirsty for. It proves completely wrong that I spend time accompanying you. Obviously, I was wasting time. I was committing a crime. That’s because I didn’t give what you need but forced you to accept what you disliked.

I’m so eager to make it clear that why you chose to be a barfly. What could it take to you? Did it make you feel comfortable?

I thought it was noisy there. Now there must be other shining points. Something must be very attractive there. Is it lovely there?

I could talk to you. I could listen to you. I took it for granted.

You didn’t talk to me. You talked to other people. Because I couldn’t be a qualified listener?

You said you felt lonely always. I know it. But sorry, I didn’t be able to help you kill loneliness. It’s hard.

I wish I could hit myself on the face heavily for that I couldn’t help you get out of this.

You said you didn’t mean to accept the invitation. You said you would leave in thirty minutes. You said you would go to sleep at ten. I believed that. I should have bethought of it. I was ready at the beginning. I just don’t want to believe it’s true. You know that.

The fact I didn’t want to see it happen most happened after all. Now it’s changed into me. I prefer the word of solitude. Because it’s from Latin.

I didn’t know what to say. It appeared to me that I was falling into a bottomless abyss and so many swords flied to stab me into my breast straight.

Why are you addicted to indulge yourself? Why not cherish the body and soul?

Tell me, if that’s your exclusive living style which can comfort you.

Then it wouldn’t be blamed if it really was.