In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

Sorry, I Was Drunken

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Sorry, I was drunken. 

In a restaurant, in the evening of Valentine’s Day, I got drunken. That should have been a beautiful evening, I think.

I didn’t know what exact time I began to be drunken. I didn’t know what I were doing and saying while drunken. I didn’t know when I was taken home and by whom. I didn’t know what I did through the whole night? I just knew I drank three bottles of white wine, almost half a kilogram. It exceeded my limit too much.

I’m really sorry about that, baby. I didn’t mean to make it happen. I thought I was able to handle those damned bottles. But the fact is, I couldn’t finish that. I did it, but not successfully at last. The alcohol cheated my head. It didn’t tell my the truth that I couldn’t drank such much until I lost control of myself. Neither the body nor the mind. It made me get in an unconscious situation. How terrible it was!

Till several minutes past nine, the next morning, I waked up and got my consciousness back difficultly. Meanwhile, the bad headache came. It really hurt me with a whole day long.

I found I was lying on the bed of my house. I didn’t know why. So I called some who I had the dinner with last night. After making some phone calls, I almost knew what happened after I got drunken last night. And I was also told that who helped me home. But for what I did and what I said on earth, they said little.

That’s what I want to make it clear.

Because I could feel that something changing after that evening. I am still who I am. However, maybe, I am not what I always am in someone’s eyes. Or I did something that someone didn’t want me to do. I might say something that someone didn’t want me to say. I must have done things someone dislikes. What I said from the mouth probably hurt someone. Something happened on me make someone hate me somewhat. It must be something.

I could feel the difference, absolutely. Even the taste of the air. It’s the different attitude someone takes of towards me that makes me upset. How it came into being?

So baby, please tell me what the hell I said to you that night. You know I was being drunken, so if did something that made you get into some embarrassment, please forgive me.

Was I wrong? What is my fault? Tell me. Then I will tell you it’s not from my true mind at all.

"Do you know I care a lot for you?"

"Just be with me for another minute, please!"

I just remember these two sentences. I didn’t know how many times I repeated them when you were with me. These were what I said at that time while being drunken. And they are also what I want to say any minute, when I am clear-headed.

Whatever I said at that time, if I mean it, I really meant it; if I don’t mean it, then I didn’t mean it. I just want you to make sure of it. You must know what I would like to tell you. So forget about those words you don’t want to hear. Let them go.

Although I can’t remember the details when you were together with me by my side, I really enjoy those moments. I’ll remember the hours when you hugged me and kept me from more deeply pains. That will be a piece of memory that I can’t tell the details about it, while I know it really exists.

If it could happen again, I wish I would stay with you peacefully without saying any word. Nothing is better than leaning close to you in your bosom.

I know there must be something so that I let you down.

I’m listening to a sad song for the whole night. I don’t wish to feel your message of saying goodbye.

"Do you like wine?" 

"Yes, really."

"Do you trust me?"

"Why I doubt?"

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Author: jleecute

a native Chinese man who wants to know the world better -------- We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopeless is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love.

6 thoughts on “Sorry, I Was Drunken

  1. OMG you got drunk ! That\’s not a good thing boy ! Be careful, don\’t get drunk next time ! BTW I got drunk before, but I did not say any words, just fell asleep ! hehe ~~ Wish you could be me !

  2. Then drink a little next time…

  3. No, not something like bf. Just a friend, true friend I want right now. Maybe I set myself up. Thinking a lot and thinking alone.It\’s false.Thank you for the advice.

  4. Why? Becuase right now everything is still in the air. You are not sure of the girl has same feelings for you; you do not know how the girl thinks of you… So you set up different assumptions and let them get you. Just ask the girl if she would give you a chance to prove that you could be an awesome bf and stuff, otherwise, keeping living with all the questions if you are able to put up with that.

  5. Yes, some said I thought too much of it. I always think of something too much and make it complicated. How do I do that? Why do I do that? I don\’t know what I am doing.

  6. OH , poor thing. probaby, it was just you thought too much of it and you really care for the girl. Hopefully, she could get to read the entry and get your a chance to explain. As I could see, you are really a smart, nice, thoughtful young guy, who deserve the best girl ( your baby). And I am pretty sure she is as excellent as you are. P.S. I am wondering what kind of "relationship" you are in with your "baby"? hehe. BTW, the first kiss with someone you are both attracted to really feels like an electrical shock as books said. You could feel your heart was beating up and face was getting hot and red… Really wish you are just a fingertip\’s distance from experiencing the most magic feeling in the whole world. XXX Lin

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