In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.


Test Failure

57 points! What a pity! I got 57/100 in the test. I needed 3 more.

Last Saturday, I took the test about individual credit marketing authentication. This was the first formal test that I’ve taken after doing my job. And as I have mentioned above, it’s my first test failure after work. What a shame!

I thought it’s very easy and it really was. For this test was just a qualification identification test and the questions in it were all objective, I didn’t spend much time preparing for it. I just browsed the practice test paper quickly in order to know what types those questions were. So, the result was, while taking the test, there’re many questions I was not very sure of. I couldn’t determine which one was right. It’s a little bit of difficult for me at that time. I knew I looked down upon its difficult. I even told one who was also tested that I came for the test relying on IQ. Now it’s my turn to enjoy the poison which I made myself.

It’s bitter. After all questions finished, I click on the SUBMIT button and the result was displayed instantly. 57 points! There was a huge rock hitting my heart at that time. That result was the rock. “Are you kidding me?” I asked myself as I stared at the LCD screen. There were only 3 points to the passing grade. The case analysis test was 1.5 points per one. I needed to make two more answers. Why didn’t I?

I felt ashamed at that moment. The invigilate was just standing behind me. According to the rule, he had to come to check out my points and then registered in my admission ticket. Hard cheese doesn’t come singly but in pairs. That man was my superior and he told me he knew me very early. I was more ashamed then. What I could do was explaining I was rookie and didn’t prepare at all. After seeing my points, he told me that it didn’t matter and I could come again next year. How I wanted to dig a whole on the earth and then dived into it immediately! I didn’t know what to reply to him. After saying “Thank you”, I ran away.

This test failure gave me a wonderful lesson. Now I know we should prepare well for the test before the testing date. Whatever it is. Any despising will be punished. I deserved it.

This weekend I’ll take another two tests. One in the morning, and the other one afternoon. Hope it won’t be my second test failure. Pray for my success!

I can’t lose it again.



Standing in the Bus

Couples of days ago, after being off, I caught the bus again, like what I did every day. It was around six at dark. And the traffic jam came again. So many vehicles, motorcycles, bikes and passengers travelled in the street. You could hear whistles every minute. It was so busy in your eyesight.

Since there was a jam, the bus moved very slowly. The driver often started the bus suddenly and then stopped it in another second. With awful vehicle condition, it’s so hard to keep good in the bus. Chairs were limited, while passengers too many. Except the aged, few could have a seat. So, if you wanted to keep balance, you must hold the handrail tightly every second. That’s also what I did.

Something acted upon my head when I stood in the reeling bus. I even felt some sadness. I was thinking why people and me staying here. And what were we doing? Obviously, we got on the bus and wished to get home as soon as possible. So we chose to stand in the bus. Surrounded with a crowd, we just stood there alone. At that time, the bus seemed to be a cage. Even, it was like a prison van. Wasn’t it?

People crowded in the bus. They couldn’t choose the route. They couldn’t get off the bus unless it stopped at the bus stop. What they could do was waiting there silently. Especially at the jam time, the waiting time was much longer. It’s hard. In order to make waiting time go faster, they looked out of the window wearily. “Enjoying” the street scenes was the only thing they could do. There were two worlds then. One in the street, and the other in the bus. The glass separated them. At that time, people in the bus were “prisoners”. Because the world they belonged to was isolated from the outside. They were poorer than real prisoners. Because prisoner can sit in the prison van when transported.

In the bus, holding the handrail and looking outside, it sounded one trapped in a prison van. This sentence was my recent personal message of QQ. And just like what I told above, I took two photos with my cell phone when I was standing in the bus. I just couldn’t control myself.


Crazy for U

Most of you may misunderstand while just reading the title. Yes, I’m Crazy for U; not for someone, but for USBKey. It’s this “U” that nearly makes me crazy.

To my surprise, the first formal assignment I got after work is doing USBKey promotion. Just because of one sentence of the president, we seventeen new comers were called in and allocated to do marketing of USBKey. It’s a big challenge to us.

So many Chinese people, including some readers here, don’t know what USBKey is. And they don’t want to know what USBKey is, either. They have no interest on USBKey. You can feel how difficult to promote them to accept and buy USBKey.

Impossible, especially for those who can’t use computers and most of aged people. Now only two sold within nearly ten days. But the assignment is two a day on average. How could us make it?

I’m tired and worried. To people who are not willing to use Internet banking  service even after I introduce its function and advantages to them, I have no way. It can only be explained that they love queuing with crowed people in the bank lobby.

I have no word.



Hiding Home

This long National Day holiday, I don’t go out for a trip but hide myself at home. I had many plans before. But at last, when the holiday came, I had to choose to stay at home.

I meant to get back to Beijing for spending this long holiday. But for a well-known reason, when I was aware that I didn’t need to do overtime work and had free time to travel, I couldn’t get the ticket. The reason is, too many people choose to travel in this holiday, especially by train. Meanwhile, numbers of tickets are limited. Tickets to Beijing are more difficult to get. It’s impossible that all of buyers get the tickets. Without the ticket, I had to stay where I was. For me, currently, it’s not wise to travel by air. It’s very important for me to economize my salaries. I believe that years later I’ll be able to travel by plane at any time.

I still remember that I said many times that I would get back to Beijing this October when I was about to graduate and leave my university. I said it to my friends; I said it to the city of Beijing; I said it to myself. Now all of these just seems like a lie. I didn’t keep my word finally. Till now, I understand one couldn’t make any decision easily when he’s an adult and employed. Free can only exist within family and campus. May you understand my difficult situation.

When I was at university, I always dreamed of going home. At that time, for home was more than one thousand kilometers far away from my university, it’s not easy to get back home. I could only go home twice a year – in winter and summer holidays. But now, it’s only one hundred kilometers between home and where I work. I can often go home, even on weekends if I want. Home is not a dream any more. Now the dream has been getting back to the city where I spent university hours and always wished to live there. As time goes by, it will go daydreamy one day.

I don’t know ten years later, who we are, where we are and what will have happened among us. May by that time, I’ll have changed a lot. Everyone I know will also change a lot. I’m not sure whether I mean the same to you just like I did in the past years. I can’t imagine the relationship between us as time elapsed. The only thing I can make sure is you mustn’t be who you are now by that day.

On the earth, everything couldn’t stay what it was. Neither could we. You know what? — Something must have gone with the wind since I left.