In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.


Too Tired

Am I too tired?

I have no idea of that. I just know I can feel pain on the back, waist, shoulder and legs when I finish daily work every day. Sometimes, I think I’m nearly exhausted. I don’t feel very well.

Every morning, I have to get up early before half past six and then get to the office before twenty to eight. The regular morning meeting is held at that time. I must sign in and attend the meeting on time. If late, 10 yuan will be deducted at a time. What’s more, I’ll give my superior a "bad" me. In a word, I can’t be late.

Formal work time is from eight 0’clock to half past five in the afternoon. Because I just began to work a few days ago and don’t have a specific position, so I may be told to do anything. Mental work or manual work — anything is possible. This Friday afternoon, I was told to substitute for a lobby manager. Wearing leather shoes and standing for several hours is too painful for me. You must never know my feet were bleeding because of it.

I haven’t get used to the current working style yet. I haven’t get used to wearing suits and working for a whole day. I haven’t get used to communicate with workmates and clients. There’re so many things that I don’t get used to. I guess that must be the reason of my being tired.

I’m working in a building with elevators and air-conditioning devices. And no one lets me carry heavy things. But I still feel tired. I still feel painful. I don’t know how it comes on earth.

Maybe some days later, when I get used to my job, I’ll never be too tired. And all pains on my body will be gone.




Mid-Autumn Day

Today is Mid-Autumn Day. Also, it’s a day for family reunion, like the Spring Festival.

Furthermore, it’s the first Mid-Autumn Day holiday upon China. This allows people to go home, especially for those people who work far away from hometown. They can spend the beautiful night with their family. It must be very warm.

A online survey tells that there are 55.7 percent of the 1,313 respondents saying they would spend the holiday with their families. So it’s not only a moon-day, but also a family reunion day.

On December 16th, the Chinese government revised the nation’s official holiday schedule to add Mid-Autumn Day, in response to public demand. Some said it would help the festival to revive its tradition. I’m sure of that.

Like other Chinese people, I got three days off. Yesterday afternoon I got back home to spend this holiday with my parents. This afternoon, my brother also got back. Tonight, we had dinner outside and then took a walk along the river. Since we all became adults and had our own things to do, it’s not easy for us to sit together and spend free time. Now I cherish days we being together very much.

I could get more money. But I could only get one family.

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I Wanna Get Back

I wanna get back — this is my current MSN personal message. I typed it in MSN to let contacts see how I wanna get back.

Yes, I wanna get back. Though I just left there for fewer than three months. Every day, my mind helps me recollect memories of the right past several years on campus. But it can’t tell me how I wanna get back. No one knows my thirst for getting back. Even if they are my closest university friends.

One evening last week, I called one of my buddies at university when I was in a hotel’s room. A few hours ago, he sent me a short message to ask me whether I would go to Beijing to take my CPA test this year. And luckily, it’s free to make domestic long distance calls in the hotel. So I determined to rang him up and told him my plan.

After telling him I wouldn’t have free time to come for the test, we began to ask each other’s recent situation. To my surprise, I was told that some other buddies lived together with him in his rented apartment. But before, I thought he lived there alone. It means they being together again. They can get up together, go out together, drink wine together and play poke together. The most important thing is they can enjoy happy hours together again just like they did at university. It seems they get back to the dormitories of university. That’s so cool! After hearing that, I couldn’t help envying them.

They could get back to dormitory time. But to me, obviously, it’s impossible at all. In a city far from Beijing, I have to continue my life. Once one chooses to leave, it’s hard to get back. I’m clear about that. I just don’t reconcile to let it go.

So on the line, I was standing alone while they handed on the phone to one another in the other side. We burst into laughter at times while speaking each other’s ashamed things out. I just controlled myself keep high. I didn’t want them to hear me being unhappy. I laughed and laughed.

When they asked me when I would "travel" to Beijing, I replied that I would if only time was available. I meant to tell them I might not be able to come this year for busy working time arrangement. But I didn’t do that. Hope is important to us. We all have much hope of one day when we meet again. So why did I quench hearts filled with hope?

After experiencing many weeks without campus and buddies, I’m somewhat upset. I keep on warning myself to be placid. I need to relax. I need to accept what I see in my eyes. Many of my friends must know my will. Because I have been telling them I wanna get back to Beijing. And I wanna get back to the past more.

I’ll be back, may I?


September Is Gone

September is gone, to me, exactly.

September means so much to students in China. I believe it also does in most of countries in the world. Because we register for the new academic year in autumn. And there are two working in educational industry. So September means more to me.

September means another new beginning to me every year. After summer holidays, when September came, I began to tidy up my sportful mind and went to school again. It could be said that September gave me new life since I went to the primary school as a pupil.

Every year, September is like an inflexion point which can take me some differentiation. When September came, it seemed I was one year older in "school age". It meant I grew up, at least in schooling. It gave me re-birth. It wasn’t odd that I cherished September very much. Actually, I always cherish September. I’m sure I’ll do that like what I did in the past sixteen years.

But September is gone.

Although I’m not willing to see it happen, it really happens. From now on, I must adapt myself to life without September. I must tell myself there is no September anymore in my calendar. Instead, what God leaves to me are just weekdays and weekends.

Originally, I meant to title this September The Last September. But now, when I was ready to write something, I found I was completely wrong. It’s September when I was a senior at university that is the last September.

I’ve been aware that September won’t belong to me again, even if only once. So I’ve started out to pursue my new September.