In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.


Whom I Call

Telephone receiver
After making three hours’ phone call, I’m thinking whom I call. On the phone, whom I ever called; whom I am calling; and whom I will call?
For a business trip, this afternoon I checked in at a hotel in the downtown. Actually, it couldn’t be called trip. That’s because this city which I’m sent to is where I was born and grew up. It seems I am a local man. However, I’m not very familiar with the urban area of this city. In the past years, I didn’t spent much time here. I didn’t live in the downtown of this city or I’m not interested in here. Sometimes, I even think I don’t belong to this city. The difference between me and strangers is only one that I can speak the local accent. Besides, I can be a stranger, to what extence.
Now I’m sent here to do secret inspection on branches’ service quality. This is the first mission I have received after working. It’s completely new life. I doubt whether I can finish it well. This mission is hard  to me. I really hope I can finish the inspection and hand in my report to let the higher-ups satisfied. But I don’t know how to carry it on. I tried asking for some experience. But I just got little. There is nobody I can rely on. I have to do it myself.
Because of its difficulty, I became upset when I thought about tomorrow’s plan. It realy worries me. I wanted some help. At least someone who could listen to my complaint.
There’s only one computer in my room. And my roommate was using it. So I could only make a phone call. It’s free to make domestic calls in the hotel. But whom could I call? Who’s willing to feel my voice?
I began to search in my phone directories. I stared the numbers one by one. Most of them slid quickily. At last, I picked up three. And I talked to two of them on the line successfully. One was my workmate, and the other one was my university classmate. They’re both female.
I didn’t mean to call them for suggestions. I just wanted to talk.
So we chatted freely on the phone. We asked each other the recent status. We talked about the training and work. I told them my mission. We talked on many relaxed topics. And of course, my "lack-of-spouse" problem was referred.
I don’t have a girlfriend. Few people understand why. Neither do I. Even when my workmate asked me which style of grils I like best, I still said I didn’t know. I really don’t know. Even though in a class with more than one hundred people who most of them were female, I couldn’t tell whom I like best.
It’s a big problem. Having feelings for someone is completely different from being together with someone. Maybe you can date someone, but then you can’t be together. That’s the reality.
People can be fooled with sometimes. The one who you love doesn’t love you, while the one who loves you doesn’t deserve your love. This is what I always tell the world. Or some real-life factors keep you both from matching. It’s cruel, isn’t it?
Finding one to call is hard. But it will be harder when you want to find one that you match each other.
Whom I call can’t be whom I love then.
That’s life we’re facing.

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Confused Days

To me, a man who will start his career, confused days still go on.

To my surprise, I haven’t been on duty formally. On the contrary, I’m participating another training program after the orientation training. It means I’m still being trained. I will go on standing everyday living without the Internet and urban liveliness. It’s a little bit difficult.

It seems that these confused days will be over in around two weeks. Then I’ll go back and begin to work as a real professional man. It will be also difficult to me when that day really comes. I’m sure of its trouble.

Now I just wish the confused days would elapse soon.


Trapped in Training Period

I haven’t logged in MSN and Live Spaces for several days. That’s because I’m trapped in a training period.
For the time being, I’m joining the training program which is held by my employer in the rural area. Everything here is fine. The only thing puzzling me is there is no network connection here. That means I can’t read any E-mail, use IM servcice or browse news websites. It really hurts me a lot.
Fortunately, I’m using a mobile phone which has a function of GPRS network sevice. So I can use GPRS to connect the Internet via my phone. It will take me some extra cost. But it will delight me more. I can’t stand daily life without the Internet. Even if one day.
Now I’m writing my entry with the help of Windows Live Messenger client on my mobile device. I wish the ugly days would go quickly.