In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

Really Sorry


It’s not an apology. But it’s more than an apology. I really mean it.

Last December, I said sorry to everyone. Now I have to say sorry here once again. I have to say sorry to my parents, my family and those people who are always caring about me and my study.

I remember that I said I would apologize if I let you down. Now I’m really letting you down. What can I say?

The day before yesterday, Dad talked to me on the phone. He asked me about the current news on my scores in the Graduate Candidate Test. I didn’t know how to respond. I just told him I did it ugly and it’s not likely for me to enter graduate school this year. Dad also asked me about what happened and what I did in the several days after I came back to university. I said no new information.

I know you are always concerning about my growing up. And I also know you wanted to hear of some good news when you made the phone call. You were trying to be happy and full of hope. You wish that I would be a graduate student this year, or if not, next year. I know how strong your wish is.

But sorry, Dad. What I gave you was all about bad news. I am letting you down. I seldom let you down in the past twenty years. However, this time, I really let you down, seriously. You tried to keep good mood on the line and continued to encourage me. But I know you was sad and your heart was hurt.

Most times, I did well in the examinations. But for the Graduate Candidate Test, I couldn’t give you my word. Because I was not sure about it. I know you and the family looked forward to my success. And all of you wanted to see me being confident, like I usually was before. Terribly, I couldn’t and I didn’t promise to you at that time.

I got high level of scores in the College Entrance Examination and successfully entered a famous university. Seen from the admission standard, it is absolutely one of the first-class universities in Mainland China. You must want to see it happen to me again. You must have dreamed of your child being a would-be graduate student in a famous university. Unfortunately, you "have to" be disappointed this time.

I hadn’t finished the trial well. I called it a trial because it’s really a trial to me. For me, the fact I didn’t perform well enough and can’t enter a graduate school, it’s a failure; for you, it’s a hit, which impacts on you heavily. It’s a bit painful to you.

What I am telling you is not for begging you for your pardon. You don’t need to try to forgive me. Because it’s unforgivable. It’s hard for you to say something.

I just want to tell you I know I wasn’t doing my best to handle everything. I still have to work hard. I still have much potential, I believe that.

And Dad, of course, I love you, always.


Author: jleecute

a native Chinese man who wants to know the world better -------- We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopeless is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love.

26 thoughts on “Really Sorry

  1. Oh Jesse, I am sure your father loves you and it proud of you no matter what. Of course he wants you to be sucessful and do well, and I am sure you will, but I am sure he is very proud of the manyou have become and what you have already accomplished!

  2. well,u know. It\’s not so bad as u think,pal.Think about it from the other side.
    Maby it is a gift from god,it just takes time to know that.

  3. anyway,tomorrow is another day! cheer up!

  4. 希望你释怀一些东西  记住一些东西  然后整理好心情 轻装上路 加油!

  5. 考研并非成才的唯一方式,也许你正好借此机会认真规划自己的人生。什么是你最想做的,什么又是你最擅长的。曾经同样考研落榜的人飘过~

  6. You can think about going abroad and the education of post graduate sucks in most parts of China!BTW,your English is pretty good.

  7. if your dad read the writing, he will be touched and be pround of you.  nice to encounter u.

  8. if your dad read the writing, he will be touched and be pround of you.  nice to encounter u.

  9. 有点煽情呢,一个好孩子~

  10. I read your work again, touched to the bottom of my heart.  Thanks for your arrival at my space and your kind remarks. You\’re welcome,anytime.

  11. pay a visit back, and find this great touching article. ^-^

  12. 回访…..

  13. 很感人的博文,成功的路有很多很多。你已经做得很好了。

  14. I would\’t dare to call it a heatbrake for your father, because our parents know that we are their children and being human beings let us make misteks. But even your fail in exams I would call a mistake it is nothing more than a simple misfortune and that is why your father understands you and supports. You had a goal and you caould\’t reach it this tame, but don\’t forget that we always have second chance to make things work right. You got stuck on your way and by giving his support you father shows to you his love – this way he helps you to get up and try again, lets you know that he will always be next to what ever will happen. You are his son and he loves you.

  15. 看的眼花花。。。回家补习英文去咯,否则jesse的贴都看不懂咯~~嘿嘿

  16. 不知阁下现在在哪所学校,考研考的又是哪所学校,不过我想,只要你有足够的信心重头再来,那么一切对于你来讲还是未知。

  17. 怎么都是洋文!

  18. 有人气哦!

  19. 回踩~

  20. I know you are sad and feel guilty for letting your father down. But failure is part of life, we can not avoid and refuse it. Cheer up, my friend! You will achieve more success in future.

  21. well..nice blog and thanks for visiting my space..good luck..


  23. 看来我是严重脱节了。。。哎,,,失败。。。。

  24. 真的很佩服你,拥有这么细腻而丰富的情感。

  25. 真诚的心比什么都重要~我觉得~

  26. I am not sure if it\’s appropriate to write a comment here because obviously, this should have been a conversation between father and son. Well, I just wanted to tell you that a lot of times the world puts obstacles in our way, once in a while our amount of positive thinking and efforts could not make them go away. This sounds cruel and unfair, however, that is what we call the real life, which has ups and downs, which could make our human quite vulnerable sometimes, but the bottom line is, we have to learn a lot along the way from our failures and push ourselves all the way to the edge to achieve those outrageous goals we set.  Well, hope everything is getting better for you! Rock on!

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