It’s not an apology. But it’s more than an apology. I really mean it.
Last December, I said sorry to everyone. Now I have to say sorry here once again. I have to say sorry to my parents, my family and those people who are always caring about me and my study.
I remember that I said I would apologize if I let you down. Now I’m really letting you down. What can I say?
The day before yesterday, Dad talked to me on the phone. He asked me about the current news on my scores in the Graduate Candidate Test. I didn’t know how to respond. I just told him I did it ugly and it’s not likely for me to enter graduate school this year. Dad also asked me about what happened and what I did in the several days after I came back to university. I said no new information.
I know you are always concerning about my growing up. And I also know you wanted to hear of some good news when you made the phone call. You were trying to be happy and full of hope. You wish that I would be a graduate student this year, or if not, next year. I know how strong your wish is.
But sorry, Dad. What I gave you was all about bad news. I am letting you down. I seldom let you down in the past twenty years. However, this time, I really let you down, seriously. You tried to keep good mood on the line and continued to encourage me. But I know you was sad and your heart was hurt.
Most times, I did well in the examinations. But for the Graduate Candidate Test, I couldn’t give you my word. Because I was not sure about it. I know you and the family looked forward to my success. And all of you wanted to see me being confident, like I usually was before. Terribly, I couldn’t and I didn’t promise to you at that time.
I got high level of scores in the College Entrance Examination and successfully entered a famous university. Seen from the admission standard, it is absolutely one of the first-class universities in Mainland China. You must want to see it happen to me again. You must have dreamed of your child being a would-be graduate student in a famous university. Unfortunately, you "have to" be disappointed this time.
I hadn’t finished the trial well. I called it a trial because it’s really a trial to me. For me, the fact I didn’t perform well enough and can’t enter a graduate school, it’s a failure; for you, it’s a hit, which impacts on you heavily. It’s a bit painful to you.
What I am telling you is not for begging you for your pardon. You don’t need to try to forgive me. Because it’s unforgivable. It’s hard for you to say something.
I just want to tell you I know I wasn’t doing my best to handle everything. I still have to work hard. I still have much potential, I believe that.
And Dad, of course, I love you, always.