In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

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  Happy Mid-Autumn Day!
  Today is Mid-Autumn Day, one of the traditional Chinese Festivals. According to the traditional custom, every family sit together in the moonnight. People eat mooncakes as they come out to watch the full moon. It’s a very day of family reunion. In China we cherish it very much.
  However, as time goes by, people, especially the youth, seem to pay less attention to the celebration. It’s not indispensable any more. And the fast paced life doesn’t give us much spare time to celebrate it. Except the mooncake economy, I can’t find any meaning else. What impresses me most is the high price of mooncake. Honestly, I hate this very much. It is just a hype.
  Now I’m far away from home. What else would I do? No mooncakes, no celebration. And it’s difficult to see the moon clearly in urban Beijing. Only neon lights and clouds meet my eyes. So I choose to stay at the dormitory rather than go out. I choose to be alone.
  It’s the last Mid-Autumn Day at university. When the next Mid-Autumn Day comes, where will I be?


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I’m Not Ready

  Eventually, several months passed. Everyone is making preparations for the Graduate Candidate Test. So am I.  Every day I review books in the dormitory or classroom. When people ask me what’s going on with my study, I always tell them everything is in progress. I don’t want them to worry about me. I try to make them believe everything is under control and I have done my best.

  But the point is I’m not ready. I seriously mean it!

  Now I regret for my fooling around in the past three years. I don’t know these three years’ importance till now. But it’s too late. The golden days have past away. Only regret remains.

  After entering the university, I did nothing valuable. No scholarships, no articles, no subjects, no prizes, even no gfs. Shortly, I have nothing. So sometimes I laughed at myself. And I’m ashamed of my mediocrity.

  However, these virtual things have been beyond my caring. At present what I care about most is the following Graduate Candidate Test. I need to get a good score for further education. But I’m not sure for that.

  Competing with students from all over the country is inevitable. It must be cruel. I try to make myself not think about the outcome. I don’t want to be much tenser.

  In fact I’m a bit of nervous.

  What should I do next? I’m not ready for it.

  And tomorrow when the sun rises, I will do the same thing that I ever did again.Thinking


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A Dreaming Beauty

A dreaming beauty, one of my closest friends, will fly to the other hemisphere for her bright future. It sounds mirandavery nice. And she has dreamed of this for several years. Now she succeeds. Congratulations! I know you will make it sooner or later since you told me the feeling of the interview that you had in June. That’s because you yearn for it.

As we know, where there is a will there is a way. So, after many months’ efforts your dream comes true finally. I always say that God is just. Your success proves that I am right again. Do you think so? Excuse for my narcissism.

But I’m really good for you.

Tomorrow you will leave Beijing, a place where you live by birth. It’s the first time you have been far away from home. Neither boyfriend’s love nor parents’ care, I am not assured that you’ll get used to new life there. Nevertheless, some schoolmates will go together with you. You are lucky.

What can we do for you? Blessing is must. Obviously, we all look forward to seeing you come back. Don’t forget it.

Have a pleasant trip, villa. Don’t worry. Everything will go well. Just be patient. And your passion is very important.

When you come back, we’ll be waiting for you here. Remember, we do miss you.

Good luck!


Self-Portrait of a Dreaming Beauty

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Go on or Not

  Imitating a prevalent saying nowadays, to go on or not, it’s a question.
  It’s really a question.
  Eight months ago, I signed up this space as an English-witten blog. In fact, I had signed up a space two years ago. I published many entries in this previous space. I wrote some of them in Chinese, and the others in English. As entries increased, I thought that one page composed of two different languages looked like a bit of rough-and-tumble. So I had this space come out here. It’s a good idea at that time, I think. And it turned out to be very nice.
  I tried to publish entries as many as I could. I regarded this space as a particular place where I communicated with the outside. Not only could I practice my English writing, but also I could tell all over the world what I thought. So I called one of its functions "to be international". Even I indeed made some foreign friends. It seems a success. 
  Nevertheless everything is changing. The situation varies every day. I find fewer acquaintances visit this space. Page views sometimes 0 within a day. What a pity! It means only I visit this space myself. Nobody else. I write something, and then I read it several times to myself. That’s it. Only me know the details of this blog. Occasionally, some strangers come and add a comment. But they just drop in and don’t care the inside of your heart. In other words, the blog makes no sense.
  I didn’t mean to let it happen. But it did.
  I really want you to understand what I am thinking and everything deep inside me. Now that you don’t care everything here, then whom I write these words for? What should I do? Shall I go on to update the blog like before?
  Could you tell me, baby?