I am a man who thinks a lot of being rational during my life. I like philosophy, because of dialectic thinking; I like maths, because of accurate calculation. I like science and knowledge. So I always regard me as a rational man. And I am proud of this narcissistic title. But now, I find that I am a sensible man eventually. A man of two different characters, that sounds unbelievable!
But it’s the fact. Or you can say I am an emotional person.
Once one of my female friends told me her own criterions of being a real man. "A man should be expansive and generous. He must have long views and great ambitions. He doesn’t need to care about trifles. Otherwise, he would be a sissy." She said. I know what she said make sense. But I just couldn’t be one like that. Because I think life of this kind is imperfect.
I’m afraid of graduation and holidays. I have a nice school report each semester. But I still want the final not to come. Why? When a term ends up, we begin our holidays at home. That is to say, I will be not able to see my classmates and teachers for one or two months. But I do miss them. A month seems too long to me. What’s more, after graduation, most of schoolmates won’t meet again till they are all old. It’s cruel. So I look depressed sometimes while in holidays.
For people I care a lot, I always have them in mind. I look forward to their faces and voices very much. I want to see them anytime and anywhere. I know it’s impossible. I still dream about this.
And I have a country sickness. For being homesick, every summer or holiday I live home as long as possible. Then I would have more time to spend with my family. However, I have to return to school when a new term begins.
So every time when parting happens, I tell myself a fact, every story has a final. It could comfort me a little, maybe.
I fear of having feelings for someone. Presently I’m a man without love. I expect love. Meanwhile I daren’t fall in love. I know that we will leave each other one day. Unless there is a miracle between us. Your being my confidante is a miracle, may I wish another miracle happens? I have always been dreaming of you every night. What will be the next step?
That’s what a sensible man worries about. Not only himself, but also one deep inside of him.
And it seems no substitution yet.