In This Life

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.


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It Was Raining

With the affection of the typhoon, it was raining since yesterday morning. Thunder and lightning too. Non-stop raining made me feel  the beautiful South again. This kind of feeling could just come twice a year after entering into the university. Staring at the thick raindrops, I imagined the weather of Beijing. Sunny? Or thundershower at night additionally? Many schoolmates chose to stay at BNU? What were they doing now? Sleeping, surfing on the Internet, playing games or Kara OK? Don’t they miss their family, their hometown? Living on the campus may not feel well. The insipid food, a shower every other day, hot weather and mosquitoes? All these things are what I couldn’t bear. So I escaped from the dormitory as early as possible. 

But when I arrived home, I found that many things changing quietly. Just a few fellows were back. Many of them still stayed in other cities. No person chatting with, no person playing with, no person travelling with. There was myself in such a big place. That’s too lonely. Suddenly, I clicked. I was aware that we were grown-up. We couldn’t rely on parents any longer. At least economic independence is required. So some do part-time jobs this summer holidays. Although it’s toilsome. And even some boys stay at shool in order to accompany their girlfriends. Xiao Zhao is of this kind. Fortunately, I am still single. At present the family is my exclusive concern. After all I only have a pair of parents. I always think a lot of filial respect. And continuously.

Now that few fellows back, I just fool around every day. The daily life is ruleless too. Like dreaming, I don’t know the exact time. The schedule doesn’t work. I could sleep until the next noon without caring about the rising sun. It’s comfortable, but ugly. In fact, I’m sick of this life style. It shows too much depression. But I have no choice.

So I’m trying my best to regulate everything. Tomorrow one of my friends will return from Wuhan. I wish that this can be an activator of my weary life. It had better bring some fresh feelings. We have planed to enjoy several days in Lushan. Although the distance between Lushan and my house is less than ten kilometres. We expect the cool weather there would give us more clear air and limpid water. I treat this as my baptism into soul. It will be better than staying at home, I think.

This afternoon, when I read a newspaper, an article said that over 45 million people clicked Xu Jinglei’s blog on SINA. That’s the celebrity’s effect. Presently, my Space statistics is only 2312. Too bad. Maybe I need to give publicity to the URL. But I don’t mean to do that for the moment. That’s because some of friends who know my Space URL rarely visit this Space. Some articles in this Space are for specific people. Sometimes I think about the purpose of writing blogs. For myself? Of course not. It makes me depressed. It’s a sentence a professor of PKU said that gives me determination of continuation.

He ever said" If you keep a diary, the diary will keep you."

So I am keeping a diary.

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Leaving and Arriving

After a 17 hours’ tour, I arrived home this dawn. Fortunately, there was a friend who went along with me. So, I din’t feel tired. To my surprise, Dad came to the station for picking me up. I told him not to get up early yesterday, but he came finally. It made me moved.

Not beyond my imagination, it has been raining these days in JJ. That’s the real South. Non-stop raining for weeks. Although this kind of weather always makes you wet and cold,I like it. It just likes my current mood, a damp heart. How can I describe this summer holidays? I have no idea.

Just like the summer rain? Maybe.

What shall I do in the following days? I couldn’t fool around. It’s a waste of time, of life. I should do some significative things, I think. I will be a junior soon. Planning for the future is indispensable. Japanese, VFP course and driving learing… All of them are so important that I am prepared well for these. Working hard is necessary.

How is my past twenty years? Unromantic or brilliant? Who knows? At least I couldn’t.

Some happened in the past several weeks made me unhappy and depressed. But I won’t care. Anything, anybody, just gone. Why not concentrate on today?